It made perfect sense!
And that’s what I did. I was young, in love, and everything was wonderful. Then about a year and a half later, we broke up.
Then I got another girlfriend.
About 13 years later, we broke up too.
Then I got another girlfriend. 4 years later, we got married! Hey, progress!
Then 4 years later, we got divorced! Digress… 🙁
Immediately afterward, I started looking for my next girlfriend. A month went by and I had a sudden realization. I was like, “What the hell am I doing? I’m going to get into yet another relationship that’s probably doomed to fail!”
It was at that moment my serial relationship behavior ended. I interrupted my pattern. I looked at my life and again uttered to myself, “What the hell am I doing?”
I decided to stop looking for the next person to make me happy. I took a break from relationships.
The day I decided to be single was very liberating. I suddenly felt free to be myself! No more playing the dating game. No more getting to know anyone and worrying about them making judgments about me. No more worrying about how they feel or concerned about what they’re thinking.
I let it all go – and for the first time ever I was free to be the ultimate me. This allowed me to think for myself for the first time in a long time. I used to be so desperate to get a person in my life to “complete me”. Every time I did that, I really believed I was happy. But wow, I put a lot of pressure on the person I was with to make sure I stayed happy.
That is no fun for them.
I recently got a letter from a woman whose ex-husband actually committed suicide after their breakup. He was saved at the last minute and has since recovered, but it was of course an incredible ordeal for both of them. I don’t know if his attempt was because of their breakup directly, but now months later he says he wants her back.
What happens if they get back together and she decides that she doesn’t want the relationship any longer? Is she allowed to leave without fear that he’s going to commit suicide again? That’s a lot of pressure to have – none that I would want. But this is a real scenario and it happens to many people.
What’s the best course of action? Would you reconnect with someone you love because they desperately want you back? Would you reconnect even if they may be unstable when you’re not there for them making them happy?
During the time I was single, I loved it. I felt so free. And while I felt that way I made a promise to myself; I promised that the person I am now (while single) is the person I want to be when I’m in my next relationship. And if I can’t have that, I won’t have a relationship.
I embraced honoring myself to the fullest. And if I couldn’t be myself, I didn’t want to be with anyone.
We stayed friends for months until one day we weren’t “just friends” any longer. And since then I’ve been able to be myself with the full support of my partner. Sure, we still get into heated debates every now and then but we always know where each other stands because we won’t stand for anything less than the full expression of ourselves.
If you’re in a relationship where you can’t be you, try it anyway. Try being you and say what you want to say just to see how the other person responds (if you’re not in an abusive relationship, that is. I want you to be safe!)
It’s not always easy but sometimes true fulfillment in life means showing others who you really are so that you can be the more authentic version of yourself. Do that more and more, and you might be surprised how well life seems to work out. The road is rocky of course, because those who’ve never seen you this way won’t know who you are anymore.